3 Red Flags to Not Ignore Before Marriage


While no one is perfect, sometimes the intense feelings of new love, lust, and desire can cloud the judgment of those entering into marriage. These issues aren’t necessarily a reason to end the relationship, but they should be addressed before entering into a long-term contractual relationship where the stakes are much higher. Thankfully, the following red flags can be discussed during premarital mediation, and you can drastically lower the chances of them blowing up later down the line.

1. Lots of Credit Card Debt

The financial health of both parties entering into marriage is vital to know. This is the financial foundation of the start of your marriage. This isn’t saying that either party needs to be wealthy, but there needs to be a mutual expectation of spending; otherwise, it can lead to big problems. For example, if one party is relatively frugal and the other is a large spender, it can lead to serious resentment if not discussed, planned for and a compromise reached.

2. Name-Calling During Fights

Disagreements are part of a healthy relationship. However, fights need to happen with respect towards each party. When partners continually call each other hurtful names during fights, it can seriously erode the trust and safety you feel with your spouse. If you find yourself jumping into calling your partner less-than-kind names or are on the receiving end, take a step back and walk away till you are calm. It may be helpful for you and your soon-to-be spouse to attend couples therapy to learn how to communicate calmly through conflict.

3. Lack of Planning

Before most people do something difficult, they learn and plan. Why should marriage be any different? If you or your partner haven’t sat down and planned out an outline of how you envision a life together, that needs to be done as soon as possible. We aren’t saying you need to have everything sketched out in detail, but discussing your life goals for the next 5, 10, 15, or 20 years is reasonable. Many clients find that premarital mediation is the perfect place to begin that discussion.

Contact West Coast Family Mediation Center if you are getting married this spring or summer. We are happy to schedule you for a free virtual consultation for premarital mediation. Call (858) 736-2411 to speak with our mediation coordinator.

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