Divorce in a Time of Uncertainty  

With all of our local stores lacking necessary supplies…toilet paper, hand sanitizer, etc., it is only natural to feel a little alarmed, even if you are not an alarmist. We are all guilty of looking to the internet to learn about what is going on in the world, and right now, the internet can take you from one extreme to the other. From, “well…it’s not really that bad…” to “…we will be out of hospital beds in the US by May!” This large swing of reality is disturbing, to say the least.  

What I didn’t expect to see while surfing the web was couples in countries that faced lengthy quarantines in their homes…with their spouses…are flooding to the court to file for divorce as soon as their quarantine is up! Nothing like facing a deadly disease to make you take stock of your life and ponder…” am I happy?”    

While it APPEARS unlikely we will face the same type of quarantine here in San Diego, I guess anything is possible. So we thought it was worth exploring how to avoid divorce in this time of economic uncertainty and forced “quarantined” time with your spouse and family.  

First and foremost – if your relationship is not where you would like it to be and the mere thought of being quarantined with your spouse for an extended amount of time makes you anxious – then Coronavirus or not, you need to seek help for your relationship. The best way to avoid divorce in times like these… just like the best way to prevent contracting the virus itself – BE HEALTHY!  

If you have a healthy relationship and a stable foundation, then your relationship can handle whatever is thrown at it. If you have a shaky relationship (at best), then being trapped together for weeks at a time, with little to no interaction with other people, could, in fact, be the straw that breaks that camels’ back.  

We understand that traditional talk therapy does not work for everyone, and that is OK. Like everything in our lives these days, there are more options out there! The path to strengthening your marriage, maybe talk therapy, or perhaps you need a new avenue to test out. Here, at San Diego Family Mediation, we are not all about divorce, we are also passionate about strengthening marriages. We are all things family mediation … which includes … marital mediation.   

So, what is marital mediation, you ask? Great question! We use similar mediation tools that we employ in divorce mediation to help couples see if there is a path back to each other. Unlike talk therapy, we are future-focused in mediation. While it is relevant how you got to where you are, it is FAR more important where you are headed. We help you reality test what a divorce would or could look like to see if that is a reality you think you want to live in. There is such a thing as a divorce fantasy. Just because things are not significant in your current relationship, doesn’t mean divorce is always the answer. Sometimes, learning new tools and methods to re-connect to your current spouse is the real answer you are searching for, but because traditional therapy has failed you in the past and so you feel there is no hope. We are here to tell you – there is ALWAYS hope!  

At SDFMC, our Marital Mediation program has an optional year-long maintenance add-on to make sure once you have decided to stay together, that you are both keeping up your end of the agreements made in mediation.   

If you are not at the point, that divorce is necessarily on the table. Still, you know that a month-long quarantine could put it on the table, consider coming in to speak with one of our mediators to learn more about our programs used to strengthen marriages. If you find yourself in quarantine before you can make it in [Symbol] – give us a call – we can meet with you virtually as well!   

Of course, if you know you are already there and need help NOW – but are uneasy facing the new CV world we find ourselves in — we can always meet virtually for any of our services – including divorce mediation. All you need is an internet connection and a camera.  

In all seriousness… we know it is a scary time right now. We are here to help in any way we can. Please do not feel bad to cancel any appointment you have with us if you are feeling under the weather – we are waiving any short-notice cancellation fees. We want to encourage our community to stay healthy and strong and ready to take on whatever is thrown your way. Always remember… every storm will run out of rain at some point.    

Need to schedule a consultation? We can do consults over the phone, video chat, or in-person. Contact West Coast Family Mediation today.

by: Jennifer Segura

Jennifer Segura with west coast family mediation center
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