Whether you or your spouse initiated a divorce, it can feel like you quickly lose control over the process. This is especially true when you hire a lawyer and file in court. All of a sudden, you are required to go to court dates that may or may not work with your schedule. Your attorney begins causing conflict, where maybe it is over a subject you don’t feel very passionate about. Divorce can quickly feel like a runaway train. Here is how you can regain control over a divorce and get back on track.
Stay Out of Court
You and your spouse should be making the decisions that are best for your family, not a judge who doesn’t know you. Instead of running to court, decide to mediate instead. With mediation, you and your spouse meet in an office, not a courtroom. You decide an appointment that works for your schedule. No being tied to the court’s availability. At the end of mediation, you and your spouse will create a marital settlement agreement that will summarize everything you did during the sessions. That will be filed with the court and will carry the same weight as a court order. If you and your spouse can work together, there are countless benefits to staying out of court.
Commit to Working Together
There are a lot of emotions surrounding divorce. It may seem impossible to be in the same room, let alone working together as a team. However, by participating together, you can both create a mutually beneficial agreement. The key is to be respectful in interactions. You don’t have to like each other, just respectful and appreciate that they are participating in the mediation process.
Know What You Want & Be Willing to Compromise
Spend some time really thinking about what is important to you. It is ok to have a list of “wants” during a divorce but sometimes you may need to compromise in order to get something else that is more important. That is what control over a divorce really is. For example, maybe you really would love having the children spend Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve with you, but in exchange, you are willing to be more flexible on vacation time with the other parent. It is all about working to make a life moving forward that works for both parties.
Working together with your spouse isn’t easy, otherwise, you wouldn’t likely be pursuing a divorce. Want to gain control over a divorce? We can help. Contact San Diego Family Mediation Center for a free consultation.
