The Downsides of Divorce Mediation (And Why It’s Still Better Than Litigation)

When it comes to ending a marriage, most people would prefer a process that’s as quick, painless, and cost-effective as possible. That’s exactly what divorce mediation aims to offer. But while mediation has many advantages, it’s not without its drawbacks. At San Diego Family Mediation Center, we believe in giving you the full picture—because an informed decision is an empowered one.

Let’s talk about the potential downsides of divorce mediation, and why, even with those risks, it remains the better path for most couples.

1. It Requires Cooperation (Which Isn’t Always Easy)

The downside: Mediation only works if both spouses are willing to participate in good faith. If one person is set on controlling the process, hiding assets, or simply being difficult, mediation can stall—or fail altogether.

Why it’s still worth it: The same personality issues that make mediation challenging don’t magically disappear in court. In fact, litigation can make them worse, as backing an individual with a difficult personality into a corner does not generally provide a positive outcome. Mediation, on the other hand, gives you a chance to address conflict in a structured, non-adversarial setting with the help of a neutral professional. There can be gentle conversations and flexibility so that no one ever feels backed into a corner. Every professional is different, and so it is important to have consultations and discovery calls, because one personality may work great for one couple and it is awful for another. I tend to provide a more “friendly” environment. One which you don’t necessarily feel like you are going through this terrible process. I like to understand my clients and try to meet them where they are. You will not feel pressured, and you will certainly not feel disrespected, as I often often hear is the case when parties are litigating.

2. There’s No Judge to Make a Ruling

The downside: If you can’t agree on a key issue—like custody, support, or property division—a mediator won’t step in and “decide” for you the way a judge can. That can feel frustrating if you’re looking for someone to declare a clear winner.

Why it’s still worth it: In litigation, the person making the decision (the judge) doesn’t know your family. In mediation, you maintain control over the outcome. This often leads to solutions that are more personalized, creative, and sustainable over time. Further, in the mediation session there will be discussions around what is referred to as BATNAs and WATNAs (best alternative to a negotiated agreement…and the worst alternative of a negotiated agreement). This will help to inform you about how a Judge could rule, should you end up in court. I think the key to this point, is a Judge will spend a very small amount of time learning about your family before making decisions, whereas in mediation, you will make all decisions between yourselves, and you know your family best.

3. It Can Feel Uncomfortable to Speak Up

The downside: If one spouse tends to dominate conversations or the other feels intimidated, the power imbalance can feel hard to overcome. Mediation relies on honest communication, which not everyone is comfortable with right away.

Why it’s still worth it: A skilled mediator—like those at San Diego Family Mediation Center—is trained to manage dynamics like these. We make sure every voice is heard and that the process remains balanced, even if one person is more vocal than the other. Mediation also avoids the intimidation of a courtroom, which can amplify those feelings of discomfort even more. Moreover, in a courtroom, you are unlikely to be asked to speak at all – most of the conversation is between the attorneys and the Judge. While this may initially seem preferable, your attorney will not always share your actual concerns and feelings.

4. It Doesn’t Guarantee a Final Agreement

The downside: There’s always the chance that you’ll invest time and money into mediation and still end up in court.

Why it’s still worth it: Mediation dramatically increases the likelihood of reaching a full agreement without litigation. And even in cases where mediation doesn’t resolve everything, it often resolves most issues—reducing the time, cost, and emotional burden of any remaining court proceedings.

At San Diego Family Mediation Center, it is rare that our mediations end without resolution. It can happen, and does happen on occasion, but less than 2% of our cases do not finish the process, meaning, 98% finish through mediation.

5. It’s Not the Right Fit for Everyone

The downside: High-conflict cases, domestic violence situations, or cases involving serious substance abuse may not be appropriate for mediation.

Why it’s still worth exploring: Even in high-conflict cases, divorce mediation may still be possible with the right support systems in place. In some cases, shuttle mediation (where parties are in separate rooms or on separate Zoom screens) can make the process feel safer and more productive. It’s always worth having a consultation to explore your options before defaulting to litigation.

The Bottom Line

No process is perfect—not even mediation. But when you compare the emotional, financial, and logistical toll of going to court, it becomes clear why so many families in San Diego choose mediation first.

At San Diego Family Mediation Center, we specialize in helping couples navigate even the most complex and emotional divorces with respect, compassion, and clarity. We’ll be honest with you about what mediation can and can’t do—and we’ll give you the tools and guidance to decide what’s best for your family.

If you’re considering divorce and want to avoid the chaos of court, let’s talk. Mediation may not be flawless—but it’s still the most peaceful path through a difficult transition.