Something San Diego locals can agree on is that we live in paradise. We also know that there is a steep cost for that paradise. So, if you are facing a divorce here in San Diego or anywhere in Southern California, there may be a few concerns that come to mind.
Here are the top three things to consider when planning your divorce:
- How much you will spend
- How the process will affect your children
- How long it will take
While there are many other concerns we can discuss, in this blog we address the three listed above.
How much will you spend on Divorce Mediation in San Diego?
It is easy to find a couple who litigated their divorce and spent upwards of $100k on legal fees. The most fees I have ever heard of is $1 million. If you are reading this, you know who you are. And the sad part is I met this woman years AFTER her divorce was final and they were still in and out of court fighting over various issues. Yes, $1 million was spent and was STILL not enough. It was never going to be enough.
What I am going to share next may seem unrealistic, but it is true. You and your partner have a choice and are in complete control over how much money you will spend with divorce mediation in San Diego.
If you can put your faith into a process that promises to guide and support you and your partner, together, along with giving you tools to insulate your children and protect your long-term family vision, you can also save yourself a ton of money in the process. It seems like the obvious choice, right? A healthier, better, process for less money?!
Will the Process I choose Affect my Children?
A decade ago, it made sense to head into an attorney’s office if you were contemplating a divorce. Today, not so much. Even family law attorneys will tell you, “if you can mediate your case, DO IT!” If you were to sit next to a family law judge at a coffee shop, and he or she overheard you talking about going to court, the judge would tell you DON’T DO IT!
Everyone, including those in the field that depends on you going to court to make their money, will tell you, “it is a toxic environment that will make it very difficult to have a harmonious co-parenting relationship after the divorce is final.”
So how can you protect your children? The answer is not to wait until the children are grown to get a divorce, as it was once thought. It turns out, that may be damaging to the children.
When divorce finally begins in the families who “waited for the children to grow up,” we have seen the backlash. The 18–25-year old’s who are headed off to college, leave the nest for the first time, and as they are leaving, they see their nest start on fire. It makes it very difficult for them to focus on their launch into life when their family is falling apart back home.
Consider these two options:
1) Each parent has an attorney and fighting in court for several years, spending tons of money, and barely being able to speak to each other.
2) Engaging in a process where you sit together at a table, talk through your issues with a neutral third party and show each other kindness and respect. You spend a fraction of the cost, you are provided with tools to help the communication between you and your spouse and, tools to help your children get through the process in the healthiest manner possible.
The choice is clear and consistent with saving money too. Just remember, the court isn’t going anywhere, you can always go there if you must. But, with so many other options today, there is no reason to start the process in the most toxic environment.
How Long Will the Process Take?
Circling back to choices; you have the choice to spend the next 2-5 years in court (or possibly longer, if the case becomes so toxic you can’t bear to let go… refer to the $1 million divorce case above), or, you can choose to be mature adults, take accountability for your part in the breakdown of your relationship and come to the table ready to bow out gracefully through divorce mediation in San Diego.
One of the hardest parts for many couples facing a divorce is that one person typically asks for the divorce or does something that makes divorce inevitable. That person is then deemed “at fault” for the divorce. This is often how couples end up in court because they are so angry and hurt, they can’t see past their need to make the other person “pay” for their mistake. In truth, it takes both people in the relationship to make it work and it takes both to make it not work.
I’d like to reiterate that there is a better way. There are professionals out here (like us) that have spent their entire careers molding a process that can hold space for families to go through this transition and come out stronger, happier, and most importantly, still a family. Choose to love yourself and your children more than you need to hurt your partner by moving forward with divorce mediation in San Diego. Contact San Diego Family Mediation Center today for a free consultation.
by: Jennifer Segura
