What Matters Most to You?

When divorcing, I think it is SO important to consider what matter most to you, not what matter most to your soon to be ex-spouse.  In other words, don’t fight over the $1,000 1995 Toyota truck if the only reason you are fighting over it is because you know your husband loves that truck.  LET IT GO! The past is done…it is over.  It does not matter who did what at this point, all that matters is that it is over and it is time to start focusing on the future, not the past.  That is what really attracts me to mediation, the focus is on the future, not on revenge.

Although revenge can often sound like a great road to travel, it never is.  It only prohibits you from moving on and becoming a new, healthy you. So what if he or she is with some 20 something younger version of you…if your spouse went looking elsewhere, the relationship was doomed no matter what.  Or, perhaps that spouse is just the cheating kind…if so, he or she always will be and if you don’t want that type of lifestyle, than divorcing him or her is the best thing you can do. Either way, reality is that MOST marriages end in divorce, be that good or be that bad, it BE the truth!

So take your marriage for what it was, for what you learned from that person, from who you became while sharing your life with this person…some good comes out of even the worst marriages, even if it just made you become a stronger you, that is important.  So, LET IT GO, dont keep going over and over in your head what went wrong?  It doesnt change anything…it just slows down your healing process. Take a deep breath, focus, and take your first step forward in to the unknown! It may be the life you have always dreamed of!

by: Jennifer Segura

Jennifer Segura with west coast family mediation center
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